With the holidays, everyday stressors can become more noticeable or overwhelming including difficult family dynamics. With that said, let’s go over some key points to help you become more confident in setting boundaries so you don’t end up overextending yourself, getting caught up in the pressure of meeting expectations and trying to keep everyone happy.

• Know Your Limits

  • The first step to setting boundaries is understanding what your limits are to begin with. To help in figuring those out ask yourself: what is important to me? what are my goals in setting these boundaries? what do I need for my own wellbeing? what have I learned from the past in regards to what drains me or upsets me? how far am I willing to compromise? what are my non-negotiable?

  • Types of Boundaries:

    • Time: How long do you want to visit for? Dedicate time to rest.

    • Emotional: What topics are you comfortable talking or not talking about?

    • Material: what is your financial limit for gifts? travel expenses?

• Communicate Clearly and Learn to Say “No”

  • Here are some examples of how to say “no” without ambiguity: “I don’t feel comfortable doing that or going there”, “I cannot do that for you”, “That doesn’t work for me”, “At this time I can’t”, “I decided not to do that or go there”. Avoid passive aggressive comments, bringing up the past, and communicate clearly while being mindful of what your goal is in the conversation and in setting the boundary.

• Respect Yourself and Others

  • If you are always giving in to others, ask yourself if you are showing yourself as much respect as you would others. On the other hand, respecting other’s boundaries is just as important, so if someone says “no” try to be understanding. Also, be aware that your actions are not about “winning”, consider what is fair to everyone.

• Confidence

  • A good way to show confidence in yourself when setting boundaries in through body language. If possible, establish eye contact, face the person while talking, and maintain an even tone of voice. Also, plan what you are going to say and how you are going to say it before entering the situation.

• Compromise

  • Compromising is part of any healthy relationship. Although you do not have to reach a compromise, listen to and consider the other person’s needs. Besides it being a way to show respect, it can also help in softening the “no”, for example “I cannot do that for you but I can do this instead”.

• Be Prepared for Pushback

  • Some people will get upset if your boundaries don’t benefit them, if they are not used to it, or if they have certain expectations. In those cases, re-establish your boundaries and be prepared to set consequences, for example: “I don’t want to talk about this topic, if you continue doing so I will have to leave early”. Stay consistent and don’t give in out of guilt.

Setting boundaries can be difficult, specially if you are used to people pleasing. Just keep practicing and hopefully these tips will make your holiday season a little bit more enjoyable without the additional stress.

Still struggling to set boundaries? Contact us and we can help you practice and become more confident in learning to prioritize yourself and communicate those priorities to others.